i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
NoShamevember. You game?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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