The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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