she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
