come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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