the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
