If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
This is classic penis vs brain.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
