addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
he puts the penis in happiness.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
