Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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