I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
