Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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