So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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