I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
