uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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