Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
