Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
