you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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