i just had sex bonerless
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
