New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Randomize
