Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
