69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
