Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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