I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
