is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
