Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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