Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
