Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
