Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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