i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
