Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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