sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
