you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
