You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I just found puke in my bra..
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
