Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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