dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
