I can tuck mytits in my pants
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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