can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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