Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I did not marry a roomba.
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