i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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