He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
