my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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