Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I supernannyed him into submission
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
