I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
