I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
