he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i just had sex bonerless
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
