I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
