We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
My feet surprised me
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