would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
