Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
