I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
