i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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